Loneliness...
There are days that I ask for some alone time, but lately I just need someone to share, share this emptiness. People like me, we need occupancies to full fill our days, to make ourselves worthy, to feel worthy.
It is the transition period I know, something will come along and change this but where is that thing / one??? Everyone including my senses tell me to try to enjoy this emptiness cause once I will have a cause I will crave for such a moment. Yet I am struggling to pass my days.
When you look around you, what do you see? Do you see the beauty of the day, filled with colors and sounds? Do you see the birds and chipmunks or skunks?? Even the skunks bring joy to my days lately. But to be honest I miss being around the kids, and/or young adults who starve for a platform where they can express themselves. I miss the sound when the bell rings, the energy that there is which seems like never fades away. I always wonder how it is possible to hold that much energy in such ages...

Here are somethings that fill my empty days...

Time goes pretty quickly ....
and there is nothing I can do, you can do or anyone can do for that...
I used to think that I was running after the time thinking I would be able to catch it.
But now, now I wanna think that it is time's turn to chase me. Why should I be the one who goes after him. That's exactly like when I figured out the man-woman relations when I was a teenage.
Just stop chasing, let things come to you for a change. That was my mom who told me this. And thank God I listened her. Well maybe a first on my part but I am still thankful:).
I have been free more then I wished lately. I have found myself some things to occupy myself but you know it is never enough. And the truth is I have been looking for somethings that I feel like I have lost them in my past. So I started to dig in my old diaries, my old pictures (the ones that are digitized since I am soo far away from my parent's house where all our childhood pictures are!) Well ask my mom, or dad actually. He always got angry at me for going through old pictures and massing with them. But the truth is I was searching you know. There has been something (always) in my past that I desired some time to time. Either it was the silly games that we played as a kid when I was going through a rough time with friends, or an information of who I am when I was going through an identity crisis, you know that you go through when you are 12 or so...

Lately, it is my dog... Since I am all alone in our little but big enough house all day long, searching and searching, I miss the feeling of having someone (well yes animals are like or maybe more then like, they are human when you need them to be!) sharing your frustration or I do not know when you are bored and want to play ball with them... It is so quite you know?! Yes I know, once I find a job I will wish that I could take this time back but hey I don't have the job yet:) so I can complain right?
but today I saw a man across the street who was brushing a dog just like Treu and I started to watch them. The dog was restless, uneasy when his owner tried to brush his back legs, just like Treu. He showed his teeth to him:) but his owner knows him, he will never bite, it is just to express the pain or the unhappiness.And then two butterflies just flew in front of me, maybe a reminder that he is still with me such as grandma... I don't know or maybe I wanna see things that there are not...


Well I try to keep my imagination alive:)

let the sun light come through my room and hit me in the morning to wake me up.
let the sea hit the shore, close my eyes and listen to the waves...
don't let summer be forgotten, let it live in my memories...

with love...