Monday, January 11, 2010
When to say goodbye?
It has been a long time since I last posted something which makes me sad cause there are so many things that I would love to share...
My first semester of student teaching is over. I had an amazing time thanks to my cooperative teacher and to her students who embraced me with love and kindness. I do not want to say that I have become a part of these kids life let's be honest, how many of you do you remember your student teachers??? But they have been a part of mine! I have learned to be a kid in a school again, to be friends again, what tomorrow means for a 10 year old:).
But I have noticed that friendships were not as complicated as they are when you get older.
The new year started and has been going and again I am trying to catch the time like catching a train or a bus in this city... As everyone I wish the time to pass just quick enough and no so slow ... But minutes, hours, days, and weeks pass. I look behind me and see so many memories, full of emotions (good and bad), so many aha moments that made me change my path and so many oh yeah moments that made me stay along the way that I am following. I am growing, growing like a kid who is eager to learn but does not want to work so hard (I have always been lazy about learning, I guess it is because things came easy to me...) but since changing my life, since I moved to Florence and started my journey I am not that lazy, contrarily I force myself to my limits which I never knew what they were.
Everyday of your life, every moment that passes by you are forced to make decisions. You try your best to evaluate all your possibilities before you decide but sometimes some people can not go beyond that point specially when they are hurt. It is an animal instinct that human beings have not given away to pay it back, hurt the person who is hurting you... My life philosophy has always been to blame myself for everything that goes wrong at the first sight. I have learned that yes most of the time you can resolve the problems when you try to look through the other person's eyes but what about your self ? They are some moments in life that you have to be selfish even though it is against everything you believe and you have to learn to be selfish cause you have never been. That thin line between caring / giving and being a naive has been my problem for so many years. For the first time in my life I decided to be selfish on many points and now that I look back at 2009 I am glad that I have done what I did...
It cost me a friend though...
A friend that could not over look what is going in her life but focus on the person who needed her the most, a friend that put her needs in priority and could not see what was going on. A friend who made harm by what she said when she was supposed to just listen and keep those stories, memories to herself. Now she is angry, I am sad and we just lost what we had. There was once that this happened to me and I knew it would again.
On the other hand I built my own family!
I started a family that I have been long dreaming to have, with a lot of ups-and - downs but tell me who does not have those? An you know what it makes me appreciate what we have more and wanna work on it harder everyday. I have someone to talk about anything, coddle to and have kisses as much as give kisses to, i have someone to go back to. I have someone whom I can see as the father of my children (for those of you who are interested, not yet! just in the idea). I have friends who are close to me that I can share and friends who are just a phone call away, and they understand, appreciate what we have, what I can give. and we continue our relations as long distance friendships...
I am thankful for everything I have, every chance that is given to me, to my parents, to my hubby (:) still could not get used to it), to my family, friends and everyone who let me be a part of their life.
Life goes on whatever you do just do not forget to BE HAPPY!
Put on a smile on your face and embrace the life with what it brings you.
I have learned that embracing is the key of happiness and I hope it will bring you also some.
with loves and a little bit of art in your life